Det er ikke kun Liverpool-tilh\u00e6ngere, for hvem disse m\u00e5neder er en \u00e5benbart endel\u00f8s parade af skuffelser. Her nedenfor en helt fantastisk mail, postet p\u00e5 et Grimsby Town-forum lidt tidligere p\u00e5 s\u00e6sonen. Tager to minutter at l\u00e6se, er hvert sekund v\u00e6rd. Grimsby ligger pt. p\u00e5 23. pladsen i fjerdebedste engelske r\u00e6kke og har et nyh\u00f8stet 4-2-nederlag borte mod Crewe Alexandra p\u00e5 samvittigheden, f\u00f8r l\u00f8rdagens udekamp mod Morecambe…<\/p>\n
Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your \u2018performance\u2019 (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and w\u00e1nking furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n I would genuinely like to know how you pathetic little p\u00edssflaps sleep at night, knowing full well that you have taken my money and that of several thousand others and delivered precisely f\u00fack all in return. I run a business myself, and I believe I could take any 4,000 of my customers at random; burn down their houses, impregnate their wives and then dismember their children before systematically sending them back in the post, limb-by-limb, and still ensure a level of customer satisfaction which exceeds that which I have experienced at Blundell Park at any time so far this season.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n You are a total disgrace, not only to your profession, not only to the human race, but to nature itself. This may sound like an exaggeration, but believe me when I say that I have passed kidney stones which have brought me a greater level of pleasure and entertainment than watching each of you worthless excuses for professional footballers attempt to play a game you are clearly incapable of playing, week-in, week-out.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n I considered, for a second, that I was perhaps being a little too harsh. But then I recalled that I have blindly given you all the benefit of the doubt for too long now. Yes, for too long you have failed to earn the air you\u2019ve been breathing by offering any kind of tangible quality either as footballers or as people in general. As such, I feel it\u2019s only fair that your supply runs out forthwith.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n I trust, at this precise moment in time, that Mr Fenty is in his office tapping away on the Easyjet web site booking you all one-way flights to Zurich, complete with an overnight stay with our cheese eating friends at Dignitas. Don\u2019t bother packing your toothbrush \u2013 you won\u2019t need it.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n In the event that our beloved chairman can\u2019t afford the expense (understandable given that he\u2019s soon going to have to assemble a new squad from scratch), then I am prepared to sell my family (including my unborn child) to a dubious consortium of Middle Eastern businessmen in order to pay for the flights. Christ, I\u2019ll drive you there myself, one-by one, without sleep, if I have to.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Failing that, understanding that most dubious Middle Eastern businessmen are tied-up purchasing Premier League football clubs, I ask you to please take matters into your hands. Use your imagination, guys \u2013 strangle yourselves or cover yourself in tinfoil and take a fork to a nearby plug socket, or something. Just put yourselves and us fans out of our collective misery.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n So, in summary, you pack of repugnant, sputum-filled, invertebrate b\u00e1stards; leave this club now and don\u2019t you f\u00facking dare look back. You\u2019ve consistently demonstrated less passion and desire than can commonly be found within the contents of a sloth\u2019s scr\u00f3tum, so frankly you can just all f\u00fack off \u2013 don\u2019t pass go, don\u2019t collect your wages, don\u2019t ever come back to this town again.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n I look forward to you serving me at my local McDonald\u2019s drive-thru in the near future.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Yours sincerely<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n A very disillusioned Mariner<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n