Har hørt et par tracks – bl.a. den der vildt undervældende og irriterende ‘L U V Madonna’-single fra Superbowlfinalen – fra MDMA, Madonna’s nye plade og har egentlig svært ved at forestille mig mere mekanisk og uerotisk popmusik end denne. Hun er virkelig blevet for desperat og panisk til længere at lykkes kommunikativt med sin ting. I The Telegraph’s to-stjernede anmeldelse af MDNA-albummet denne weekend udtrykker Helen Brown det problem meget rammende…

…I found her “mature” output from 1994’s Bedtime Stories to 2003’s American Life less interesting, but loved the neon exhilaration of 2005’s retro-disco Confessions on a Dancefloor. Winking at her past while working out in her leotard and leg warmers, I could believe Madonna was having fun again.

But who wants to party with Madonna today? She looks exhausted and unhappy and MDNA leaves me feeling the same. It’s not that a woman of 50 has no right to be on the dance floor. I’m all for that. But a woman who’s putting so much visibly desperate energy into looking and sounding like a teenager is missing the point of pop, of parties … of life.

The horribly cliched lyrics to these unoriginal disco’n’dubstep numbers hint at the more alarming idea that Madonna still thinks like a teenager. Hearing that her idea of romance is giving a lover the password to her phone makes me wonder if she’s botoxed her brain. When she brags of her multitasking capabilities – “Make a film/ Write a song/ Got to get my stockings on/ Meet the press/ Buy the dress/ All of this to impress” – I want to ask her who and why? She told Graham Norton she did it “to pay the rent”, but I’m pretty sure her mortgage is covered and I reckon she can afford to take a break until she’s found a fresher sound.

Because, to misquote Shakespeare on Cleopatra, age may not have been allowed to wither her, but Madonna’s infinite varieties have certainly staled.